Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Falling together.

My life is falling together, not apart. 

That is the way I choose to look at it, anyway. Everything is finally falling together. All my lost dreams finally have a chance for a true resurrection. Living a life of mediocrity was starting to get uncomfortable yet I sat with it. For more years than I should have, but I sat with it because I was afraid. But in my heart a war was raging. I wanted more. I needed more. I deserved more. My soul felt like it was starving for something real. 

Then one day I decided my soul could no longer take not feeling what it was supposed to be feeling... it needed more. And so, changed happened. Hard decisions were made. Hearts were broken, Tears were shed, over and over. Having your life fall together is usually not easy. It's most likely going to be really painful and hard. What looks like a fall apart, is actually a fall together. You are now finding who you are, what you want, what you need, what you're made of. And you grow, grow, grow. 
You grow into a different version of yourself, and if done right... a wiser, gentler, kinder, stronger, more loving version of yourself. Each life lesson gives us the opportunity to become all of these things if we use that pain for purpose.  

I know that I am exactly where I am meant to be at this moment in time, for a greater purpose. That's not to say any of this will be easy. Life is never easy. It's not a fairy tale, as much as I wish it was. It's not. It's both beautiful and ugly. But living a life that feels true and authentic is always worth it. 

We get through the pain and then fall into something better. Something worth the risk. Something we had let die a long time ago, and revive it. Our dreams. Our hearts. Our desires. Our love. Ourselves. 

And that is worth falling together for. 

Stay open.

Staying open is hard. It leaves you feeling really exposed and vulnerable. It's really scary. It doesn't feel comfortable at all. But that's where the magic happens. That's where all the things that shouldn't be there get sifted away. All that's left is what truly matters. The good stuff.

Stay open.

I've learned that masking what you're feeling and hiding your heart is even more uncomfortable than exposing what's inside. It's the holding back that tears you apart. It feels almost unnatural. It's a battle with your mind, really. Because we all are just screaming to be real.  Yet we don't because we are afraid. Will people accept me? Will they run when they hear the horrors of my heart? Will they be able to handle the truth? Will I be rejected? Abandoned? Will I be too much? Am I enough? Those are questions we ask ourselves when deciding if we want to be fully real or not.

You've got to be real.

At all costs.

If you are too much for some people, they are not your people. The goal here is to find the right people who accept you for exactly who you are. To be seen and loved as you are is a really powerful thing. To hide away who you really are, and bury your souls cries is just maddening. There are people, the right people, who will accept you for exactly who you are and stay. You want those people. And when you find them, cherish them. Not everyone can handle vulnerability, but the right ones for you and your life can. Find them and love them hard. You'll need each other.

Openness is really healing if you allow it to be. It will take you to places you never thought possible. Your life can completely change by just opening up. Wounds can truly be healed by speaking your truth and being honest. It's okay to feel. We live in a time where everyone is so guarded, walls are up, and feelings are brushed aside. Understandably so, we have a lot of hurt.  Again I say, it's okay to feel. You need to feel. Don't ever be ashamed for feeling, or being sensitive, It's beautiful and it's actually a gift to offer someone else. Being open allows others the freedom to be themselves and that's when lives can really be mended.

So for the love of all things good, stay open. It might feel uncomfortable at first but it's so worth it.

And you are worth that. No more hiding.



One thing I've learned recently,  is life sometimes needs a total shake down, full blown crumble, fall to your knees, how can I do this moment for you to finally find your worth. Sometimes finding your worth comes to you through the tear steaks on your face slowing whispering to your soul, "I can't do this anymore. I deserve more." It's in these moments you find your worth.

It's in these moments, in the soul crushing pain that you find what you truly made of, what you can endure, what you won't endure, what you want, and how you can rise up after the crash and still be okay. It's in these moments you find your worth. 

It's in these moments you realize that you are strong, brave,  kind, and you are love. You realize that you can get though anything and grow into the woman you were created to be. Is it hard? Does it hurt like hell? Yes. But you trust the process and hold tight to faith that you are exactly where you need to be. It's in these moments you find your worth. 

It's in these moments where everything is so confusing that you learn to still yourself, sit with the pain, sit with the loneliness and feel it all. The loneliness is suffocating but loneliness teaches you a lot about your heart. It gently whispers all the things your heart is longing for, what you deserve, what feels right. It's in these moments you find your worth. 

It's in these moments you realize that your openness and transparency is a gift. That being who you are is a gift. That hiding who you are, your thoughts, your heart, your mind is such a uncomfortable way to live. It doesn't feel natural. So you stay open and authentic. The mask comes off and you're just you. Exposed. Honest. Vulnerable. Will you accept me or not? It doesn't matter. I am enough and I'll never be too much for the right people. The right people will love me with the purest of love because I'm seen, known, and fully accepted as is. It's in these moments you find your worth. 

It's in ALL these little moments you realize that you are a treasure. A gift. Something truly rare and beautiful. Not for how you look, but for your entire being. For you. This is moment you find your worth. You see, you are whole all by yourself, you just didn't know it yet. But now you know. And you are worth it all. As is. Just you. 

So worth it.